


Please Send Help

by FinnicFox, sherlakur



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Real Person Fiction, Sherlock (TV), Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Wars - All Media Types, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Multi, Randomness, Rare Characters, Rare Fandoms, Rare Pairings, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-01 03:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10179215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FinnicFox/pseuds/FinnicFox, https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlakur/pseuds/sherlakur
Summary: A collection of one shots with ships recommended by an excel file. Yes, this is exactly as trashy as it sounds.





	1. On Your Way To Work [Natasha/Reader]

**Author's Note:**

> "Sollen wir das nochmal beta lesen?"  
> "Neee, das ist jetzt auch schon Wurscht."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You REALLY love your work.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day in New York and you are on your way to work at the former Stark Tower. You really love your work. You are a huge fan of the Avengers and you are proud that you can work for Mr. Stark and make sure the Tower which - now that it has been rebuilt – serves as the Avengers’ headquarter.  
Thus you are eager to get to your workplace, the nice weather only giving you even more motivation. Tugging on the blue shirt you’re wearing you turn into a rather small street. On your way to work you have to pass to one of the more dodgy areas of New York, but you like going to work by foot and you aren’t scared of being attacked, so you don’t really mind. You’ve never even witnessed a crime around here anyway.  
Today how ever you’re not even half way through the street when you hear some yelling and a man nearly knocks you over rushing past you. You have barely recovered from the shock when someone actually bumps into you from behind and pushes you to the floor. You are too confused to react.  
“Cooperate and I won’t hurt you!”, you hear a familiar female voice by your right ear.  
You are to surprised and confused to actually respond so you just nod and the person helps you back to your feet but continues pushing you towards a parking car where they open the back door and shove you in. When they close the door behind you, you can finally make out your attacker: It is Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow.  
You can’t help but blush despite your confusion. As only your best friends know you have a slight crush on Natasha. Every day at work you hope she will show up at the Avenger Tower so you can fawn over her for a bit and now she captured you. This has to be a misunderstanding.  
Through the window of the car you can see her talk to someone on the phone. Suddenly she turns to you and a smile forms on her lips. You can’t help but stare at her, she’s just so hot in her black catsuit and with her red hair and pretty face.  
Natasha puts away her phone and makes her way around the car, to open the door on the opposite side of the vehicle and sit in the seat next to you. Her piercing green eyes find yours as she closes the door behind herself and the car starts driving. It’s only now that you notice it actually has a driver and a barrier between the drivers seat and the backseats.  
“So, where were you going?”, she asks you in her typical, sharp tone.  
“To work!”, you stutter out. You can’t believe Natasha Romanoff just took you with her. She probably thinks you’re a criminal and she now want’s to interrogate you!  
“Ahhh, to work... I see.” She smiles again.  
“N-natasha.... This is a misunderstanding! I’m not a criminal, I work as a receptionist at the Avengers Tower, don’t you recognize me?”  
To your surprise, Natasha looks at you baffled and then starts laughing!  
“Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you! Of course I know who you are and I know you’re not a criminal. Actually I wanted to ask you if you maybe want to go on a date with me, Y/N?”


	2. On The Red Carpet [Edward Norton/Christoph Waltz]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Schreibt man 'Wurscht' nicht klein?"  
> "Lass halt, schaut doch ästhetisch aus!"

Edward heard and saw the flashlights of the press cameras go off when he exited the limo and stepped onto the red carpet that had been rolled out in front of the theatre where today’s film premiere would be held. This kind of attention by the media had been nothing special when he was younger and still a hot topic in Holiday, but had definitely died down in the years that followed. Only recently the media had rediscovered him as one of their favourite topics and motives for the society rags. This was mostly due to one certain acquaintance he had made in the last year and that had also quickly been brought to light by some particularly eager paparazzi.

The acquaintance in question was now stepping out of the limo behind him as well, and threw him a quick smile after straightening his suit jacket and running his fingers through his hair. His close friend, his lover, and also his date for the evening – Austrian actor Christoph Waltz. He had first met Christoph at the after party of 2013’s Oscars, but he had only talked to him shortly back then after congratulating him on his Best Supporting Actor Win. Back then his only impression of him was that the Austrian man was certainly a very nice and fun to be with person. Also, devastatingly handsome, but those were the kind of thoughts that Edward used to shove down very far very quickly back then. He had known he was bisexual for a long time, but unlike many other actors and actresses he never thought that entering a same sex relationship in secret was worth all the trouble that would come with it. At least not until he met Christoph again at an event very similar to the one they were attending right at the moment and got to talk a bit longer with the man. They discovered they had many things in common despite their age difference and quite different backgrounds. They quickly became friends after that and after a while, they started dating. It was unlike anything Edward had ever experienced, it was so different, exciting and felt so undeniably right at the same time.

Christoph had wanted to come out to the public from the very beginning but Edward refused. Christoph may be a two-times Oscar winner but most of his life had worked in Europe and he didn’t know the American film industry the way he did, how big of a bomb they would be dropping if they made their relationship public. Of course the question whether they should or should not come out became superfluous the moment the afore-mentioned paparazzi took a sneaky picture of them on Edward’s property in Los Angeles. At first, Edward thought his career would be over once and for all. He had multiple panic attacks on one day, he asked himself a million times how he could be so careless and was angry at Christoph for not being more intent on keeping their secret. Their relationship almost didn’t survive those first days after it happened. But eventually they got over it, together, and contrary to his assumption, the world didn’t end. Neither did his career, or Christoph’s. Other wise he probably wouldn’t be here.

He considered for a short moment, but then he held his hand out for Christoph to take, who took it but raised his eyebrows at him smugly. Normally, Edward was the one reluctant of any PDA whatsoever. But people change, and maybe, Edward admitted to himself, so did he, and his opinion on certain things. He wasn’t sure whether he ever had had the courage to come out without outside initiative but he did have to admit that he was glad it played out like this in the end. He was walking down the red carpet with his gorgeous, brilliant partner and could smile into the cameras without having to fake it. All was good.


	3. On the Office Floor [Bill Gates/Alfred Pennyworth]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes Bill Gates soaring majestically over a 50ft chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, wir haben nichts lustiges gesagt :(

Alfred had just started chopping carrots when he heard a huge thump from upstairs and almost dropped his knife.  
“Bill, are you okay?”, he shouted and put the knife away. He didn’t really expect an answer; the villa was pretty big and from the sounds of it his master, Bill Gates, was probably upstairs. “What did he do now?”, Alfred mumbled to himself worriedly, while he left the kitchen and made his way upstairs to check on his master.  
Just as he had assumed, he found Bill in his office, where he was currently lying on the floor. For a second Alfred wasn’t sure if maybe he’d hurt himself but Bill seemed to be for the most part unharmed so the Butler relaxed a bit.  
“Bill, are you okay?”, Alfred repeated himself and hurried to help his master up.  
Bill huffed and rubbed his head, where he’d fallen down.  
“I was just trying to think”, he replied, “You know, trying to get some inspiration.”  
Alfred looked at Bill warily and then looked the chair he had been lying next to.  
“You’ve been jumping over your chair again, haven’t you? I heard the noise, don’t try to lie to me, Bill.”  
Bill rolled his eyes. “Stop it with your over protectiveness, Alfred. Nothing happened, I was just bored.”  
Alfred was about to open his mouth in protest but before he could actually form any words, Bill had leaned in to silence him with a short but sweet kiss. “I’m fine, hun.”  
The butler couldn’t do anything but smile. Now that he knew Bill was okay, he looked at his master with a warm feeling in his chest. He’s been working for him for multiple years now and sometimes he still couldn’t quite process how lucky he was to be working for such a handsome, intelligent and all in all beautiful man. Not to mention that this man, despite being his boss, also ended up being his boyfriend. He couldn’t even be angry with him, when he sometimes did stupid things like jumping over all the chairs in the villa for practice as he said. (Alfred knew however, it was mostly boredom and also the fact Bill took pride in being able to leap over a chair from a standing position).  
Alfred let out a sigh that sounded like a mix of relief, dismay and a bit of amusement.  
“It’s more or less my job to be overprotective of you, sir. I was hired to care about your well-being”, he said.  
“Oh yes?”, Bill said in an unimpressed tone, “Who hired you?”  
“That might’ve been you”, Alfred replied smiling and he couldn’t help himself but to kiss Bill again. He was just being far too cute.  
“Oh, really?”  
“Quite so!”  
Bill grinned at his butler and sat back down in his chair.  
“Are you sure you are okay?”, Alfred asked again, because he’d noticed Bill flinching a bit, when he sat down.  
“Yes, Mister Overprotective, I’m not made out of glass after all! Get back to making dinner before I fire you, Butler! I need to get some work done”, Bill answered but his warm smile and the little twinkle in his eye took the sharpness from his words, showing he was merely joking.  
Alfred shook his head, smiling as he left the room to get back to his work.  
“I love you” - “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A video to add context (very crucial to understand this chapter): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TCxE0bWQeQ


	4. On the Sidelines [Loki/Yuuri Katsuki]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Schreibt man 'lustiges' nicht groß?"  
> "Das schreiben wir jetzt beim nächsten chapter."

Loki closed his eyes for a moment and only listened to the sounds around him. The skates scratching on the ice, the characteristic sound of the metal blades reconnecting with it after a jump, the chatter of the younger members excitedly talking about their current programme, the stern tone of the coach correcting the posture of one of his students. When he opened them again, he immediately found himself looking for a very particular skater on the ice and smiled despite himself when he saw at the far end of the rink shortly after. The boy’s name was Yuri Katsuki, as he had found out the day before, and in Loki’s opinion, he was by far the most interesting thing to see in the Detroit Skating Club. And if he was being honest with himself, probably in all of Detroit. Which did say something, because he actually liked the city a great deal. He liked that he could wander through the streets and look at the past and present at the same time, at the once modern and state-of-the-art industrial buildings only in use as drug dens and homes to stray cats nowadays, at the countless homes abandoned by the people losing their jobs over the years, at the concrete crumbling away on the walls and the streets as the city slowly rotted away under the pressure of a failing economy and the blind eye of an apathetic government.  He liked that there was always one crime or another going on here, he liked watching the humans slowly tear themselves apart, and the struggle of the incompetent police force trying to do something, anything about what was going on in their city.

Because the truth was, Loki was not a good person.

Sure, he wasn’t guilty of any crime you would be able to find in a city in Detroit. In fact, he had always been a fairly good son to his parents. He was a prankster and a nuisance more often than not, but that was about it. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t have the urge to do some inexcusable things. Especially ever since it had dawned on him –he couldn’t say when that happened exactly, it was just something that he realized over time growing up- that he would not be the successor to Odin’s throne and his position as Asgard’s ruler, but his brother was, his brother who was more interesting in the celebration a battle would bring than the lives lost and the political consequences, his brother who was always quick to judge people and make decisions but never prepared listen to other people or to try and broaden his own horizon. Ever since that had dawned on him, the desire to set this right has been growing inside of him. The desire to prove himself as the son worthier of the throne, the desire to make Odin _understand_ why he was the better choice, why he was the one deserving of leadership. It grew and grew and slowly warped his mind into something very ugly. Bitter. Cynical.

Which was the reason why he felt more at home in Detroit than he had in Asgard for a very long time. Here, nothing was black and white. Some of the criminals were bad, others weren’t, actually. They were desperate, didn’t have any perspective on life, were dragged in involuntarily, flat out didn’t have any choice. If your mind was as twisted as Loki’s was, there was a certain beauty to it. He had visited hundreds of cities ever since coming to earth to get away from Asgard, to put his mind on something else and, because his mind was always one step ahead, to observe mankind and see if earth could be a replacement for him, one day, if all his plans failed and Thor really would be the next ruler of Asgard and not himself. But he always found himself coming back to Detroit after a while.

But there was something that he didn’t expect. He didn’t expect to walk into an ice rink one day and be anything but mildly fascinated by the skill of the resident skaters. But something happened and he didn’t know how to reverse it. He didn’t know why he kept coming back. He didn’t know why it was the black haired Japanese boy with the glasses that drew his attention from the very beginning. He didn’t know why he couldn’t stop watching. Why the graceful motions were more extraordinary to him than anything else he had seen on his travels. Why this innocent and shy, pure boy so opposite of himself shone out to him when all he had eyes for before was the decay of this city and its people, and why he was so different from every other naïve and ordinary little human he had met.

He just didn’t know. So here he stood, trying to make sense of his feelings. Oh, he did know what his brother and his friends would say. He had a crush, he fell in love, he lost his heart to a mortal. But he refused to believe it was as simple as that. He had never even talked to this person, how could he be in love? And in general, he just wasn’t the person to fall in love. He had lost the ability to feel something as simple and good as that a long time ago.

Why did his heart beat so quickly then, when Yuri looked into his direction? Why did he feel a little less broken, less alone when he smiled in his direction, why did he forget to breathe when he actually started to skate into his direction, why did he feel the blood rushing to his face when- Yuri was standing right in front of him. “Hey. I noticed you’ve been around here a lot lately.” A smile. Brighter than the sun, sweeter than the wine his brother preferred to drink, more precious than the golden cups he used, “You think we’re any good?”

Loki didn’t know what this was, or what he was going to do with this, and he certainly didn’t know if he should even be here. But he knew the answer to this question.

A smile. Not as bright or sweet as Yuri’s smile was, but still as warm as the embrace of his mother when he was a child.

“Yes. Yes, I think you are very good. “


	5. On The Holodeck [Wesley Crusher/Ryan Reynolds]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wesley Crusher is a creepy fanboy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm dreading this."  
> *whispers* "Open the file!" ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

Wesley's heart was beating fast as he quickly walked down the hall towards the place he'd been daydreaming about all day. He'd actually been daydreaming about it for the past few months, ever since he stumbled across an old film from the early 2000s.  
He found the movie in the archive of the Enterprise and it sounded interesting, so he gave it a shot. Despite the weird culture of the 2000s that Wesley didn't knew a lot about, the movie somehow spoke to him and soon he realized that it was not only the movie that fascinated him but even more so one particular actor staring in it.  
First it started out as fascination, then it turned into appreciation and finally Wesley found himself practically fawning over the guy.

The man was called Ryan Rodney Reynolds and Wesley had put an effort into watching every movie of his that he could get his hands on.

The place Wesley was now heading to – obviously – was the holodeck; because where else to indulge in your obsessions other than the holodeck. And an obsession it was. Wesley just couldn't stop thinking about the actor that had lived so many year before he was even born. Reynolds was smart and funny and good-looking and his smile followed Wesley everywhere. Whenever the young man closed his eyes, what he saw was Ryan Reynold's smile in front of him it was almost hypnotizing to him.   
Wesley stopped in front of the door that led onto the holodeck and checked that nobody was in sight, before he quickly set the right program and stepped through the opening door.

He found himself on the streets of the Vancouver of the late 1900s. It was a bit cloudy and gray, it looked like it was going to rain soon but Wesley didn't let the weather make his mood sink. He was going to meet Ryan Reynolds so it was by default a beautiful day.

Originally Wesley had the holodeck recreate red carped events or movie sets of Reynolds' more popular movies but that soon wasn't doing it for the young Ensign anymore. It didn't feel right trying to be close to a man who was not only several years older than Wesley but also married with kids. Luckily Ryan hadn't always been older than him. Wesley just had to go back to the time when Ryan was a teen actor in Canada and the same age as him. It had all worked out very smoothly and soon Wesley actually managed to befriend the young actor. After that he'd spend a lot of time on the holodeck, hanging out with Ryan.

For today Ryan had invited him to his home, which Wesley was now standing in front of.

“Hello, Wes!”, Ryan beamed as he opened the door to let his friend in.

Once again Wesley couldn't help himself but to notice how intoxicating the young actor's smile was to him. Like alcohol and just as addicting. Ryan's smile was one of the main things that made him come back to the holodeck every day, every second he had some free time on his hands.

Ryan led Wesley into the living room, where they settled town for a movie and some pizza. It was nice, but somehow something seemed different. Ryan wasn't his usual, witty, dorky self, actually he seemed pretty nervous. He didn't say much and he seemed to be absentminded, not watching the movie as intently as he should have. It scared Wesley a bit.

Half way through the movie he couldn't take it anymore and was just about to open his mouth and say something, when Ryan spoke up instead.

“Wes”, he began, not looking in the other boy's direction but instead seeming to be inspecting his knees very intendly, “I was wondering...”

“Yes?”, said Wesley in what he hoped was an encouraging tone but it just came out sounding a bit worried and unsure.

Ryan somehow mustered up the courage to finally look up and into Wes' eyes after all.

“Those last few times we hung out... where those.... where those dates?”

Wesley's heartbeat stopped for a second and he stared at Ryan in disbelieve, feeling his face heat up. Ryan had found out Wesley had a crush on him. Of course he did, it was probably painfully obvious. Wesley wasn't sure how to react.

“I- I-”, he stuttered, starting to panic. What was going to happen now? What did Ryan want to hear? How was Wesley supposed to answer that question?  
“I mean-”, Wes started another attempt on answering the question, feeling very awkward, “Do you want them to be dates? I mean If you -- I don't -- What I'm saying is--”

“Hey”, Ryan said, locking eyes with Wes and smiling which immediately made him shut up. The next thing Wes knew was that Ryan had leaned in and pressed his lips on Wes'. It was a short, innocent and sweet kiss, the way a first kiss should be. It was perfect in every aspect but Wes wasn't sure if he was able to appreciate it appropriately, there was far to much going on in his head.

Ryan pulled away and smiled again, shyly. Wes looked at him in sheer surprise and disbelieve but couldn't help but smile back.

“I really want them to have been dates”, Ryan said quietly, still smiling.

“So do I”, Wes whispered and Ryan's smile grew wider.

“Well, glad we talked about it”, he grinned.

And just like that, they went back to watching the movie with one little difference: Wesley was now cuddled up to Ryan Reynolds, who had one arm put around him, and he couldn't believe his luck.


	6. On A Planet Far Far Away [Samuel L. Jackson/Finn(Star Wars)]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors died when they found out who people ship Wesley Crusher with here on AO3 the sweet land of our fathers. Don't worry, our ghosts will continue to write trashy fanfiction though. I guess.

Samuel waved a hand at Senator Pthrull (who in turn waved back with one of his purple tentacles) as he passed him in the corridor and made his way back to his apartment. Having lived in this universe for a few years now, alien life forms were now nothing extraordinary anymore.

It had taken some time after being transported into the “Star Wars” universe (and for some reason, he found himself several decades after what happened in the movies he himself had been in, a long time after the movies from the 70s/80s even, apparently 20 years after a new Rebellion (Resistance) had won against yet another Empire (The First Order). It was so very confusing at the beginning) to accept the fact that he had no way to get back into his own world. Not that he had given up quickly or anything. Only when he finally got through to Master Luke, the head of the new Jedi Order and thus also the most powerful magician in this world who also had excellent connections to all sorts of scientists, was he convinced he really had done anything he could to ensure there was no way back for him. Luke had believed him after reading his mind in some sort of Jedi ritual, but could do nothing to help him.

But even after accepting his fate, it had taken a lot longer until he could really say he felt half way comfortable in his new life. Joining the Jedi Order helped with that. Normally they would never let someone as old as him join, but there was something that made him a very special case. The science/magic/shit that had brought him here also seemed to have messed up some stuff, because in some ways he had the skills and the knowledge of the character he had played in “Star Wars” – Jedi Master Mace Windu. Not that he had a split personality now or something. He didn’t even have a lot of Mace’s memories, only some blurry and unclear ones. But apparently, so he was told, he had some pretty darn good connection to the force. He knew how to use it without knowing how he knew, and he knew his way around a light saber just fine. And he did have some specific memories left. Many rules, techniques, mythology, and wisdom of the Order stayed with him, which had resulted in long conversations with Luke who soaked up everything he was told. Oh, and there was also the ghost of his dad hanging around sometimes. He told him that Sam looked exactly as Mace Windu and talked some shit about sand but apparently was not able to tell Luke all the Jedi stuff that he was telling him now? He had no idea, because he sort of always thought asking Luke about his father’s ghost was kinda rude.

Anyway, he liked his current position at the Order a lot, and there were days he didn’t even think of his old universe a single time.

And it wasn’t like his life here only consisted of his work.

Master Luke was a lot more lenient with the celibacy rules when founding the new Order than they had been handled in the past. Meaning: there were none.

Which was the reason why, when he strode into his apartment after a long day of dealing with some particularly defiant younglings and talking diplomacy at the Senate, there was someone already waiting for him.

“Sam? Is that you?” he heard his husband call from what sounded like the kitchen.

“Yes, I’m home!”

He got rid of his shoes and walked towards where he suspected his partner was at.

“Hey,” Finn said and threw his arms around his neck, leaning up to press a kiss to Sam’s mouth.

“I’ve been home for a while. Thought I’d cook us something. One of the meals you showed me from Earth. B- Burgers…? Can’t say if I managed anything even resembling them though, so don’t expect too much from them.”

Sam huffed a laugh. “I’m sure they are absolutely perfect.”

Once again he marvelled at the wonder that Finn was. A Stormtrooper for the First Order in his early years, he became a member of the Resistance later and had been one of the most important figures in the war that ultimately restored the Order in this part of the Universe, which made him some sort of a living legend. Nowadays he was a general for the Republic and certainly a lot more important than himself, and usually a lot busier as well.

But that didn’t seem to stop him from being an absolute sweetheart, cooking up something for his husband working late, and trying a meal from his home world at that. His heart felt like it would be bursting any moment.

He gently grabbed Finn’s face and pulled him in for a longer kiss, tried to put his feelings into it, his adoration for the man, his unconditional dedication, and his endless thankfulness for being there, for making him feel at home in this world more than anything else did.

“I love you.”

Finn seemed a little stunned at the intensity in his kiss and in his eyes, but his face was soft and loving as he answered, “I know.”

He took his hand and dragged him towards the table.

“Now come and try those Burger thingies I made though. I wanna know how I did. I got the salad right but I didn’t remember the fruit you said I should best use to replace the red stuff – pomatoes?- so I just took some Sarancas, but I’m not sure whether it works … ”


	7. On The Comforting Qualities Of Wookiee Fur [Worf/Chewbacca]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing comforting about this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this and it shall be my legacy.

Worf was staring into the star littered void that spread outside his window. The Enterprise was floating through space at a steady pace, seemingly light as a feather, quite opposite to his thoughts who were racing inside his head and his heart which felt so heavy, he thought, it would‘ve struck down even the fiercest of warriors.

He hated himself. He‘d never thought there would be a day in his life where doing the right thing would actually leave him feeling terrible, guilty and overall miserable. He solved the whole situation in a very honorable way, he thought and yet he felt like locking himself away in his room, hiding in his bed, moping for several days and other petty things that weren‘t at all warrior like, not for humans and not for Klingons.

He did the right thing and yet he felt like he‘d completely fucked up. He had to do it and yet he felt like he shouldn‘t have let him go. Make him go actually. Worf felt like a complete asshole. He couldn‘t stop thinking about it, about him; Chewbacca.

Worf sighed and turned away from the window. He felt completely lost in his room. It felt so empty since he‘d left. Worf was cursing himself for even let Chewbacca get so close to him. He should‘ve ended it before they both got to invested; Yet from the second they‘d met the first time he‘d felt this irresistible pull towards the wookie. He didn‘t know what it was that was so alluring about the furry man he‘d first met a few weeks ago. Back then the Enterprise crossed ways with a tiny ship, called the Millenium Falcon, piloted by smuggler Han Solo and his Wookiee. They came from an entirely different sector of the universe and actually, the Enterprise‘s crew was still wondering, whether they might‘ve actually jumped over into their universe from either another time or maybe even a completely different universe.

Never mind where they came from however, the Falcon wasn‘t working anymore and so – obviously - the Enterprise agreed on helping the two smugglers, beaming them to their ship and towing the Falcon with the tractor beam.

Solo seemed very human like while Chewbacca didn‘t much at all. That‘s what sparked Worf‘s interest in him. Besides Data, who, compared to Worf, was still very human when it came to outwards appearance, Worf was surrounded by humans and even though he was also raised by them, sometimes he still felt like an outsider. But then there suddenly was Chewie, who was in a very similar situation, it seemed. He‘d spent years of his life with his friend Han, for the most part of that time separated from his own species. So Worf started to make friends with the Wookiee though, of course, this friendship developed into something... different.

The Klingon‘s thoughts wandered back to the day before, which he‘d spent showing Chewbacca some more parts of the Enterprise including the holodeck. They were just sitting on a rock in the jungle, when neither of them could resist the pent up tention between them any longer and ultimately they kissed. Worf closed his eyes and for a second he indulged in the memories of being that close to Chewbacca. The intoxicating musky smell of the Wookiee, the warmth, the ragged fur that oddly and quite comfortingly reminded Worf of the Targ he used to have when he was a little child.

Worf shook his head and groaned. He couldn‘t let himself think that way. Love was a very risky thing for a Klingon. Their mating habits and rituals where for too violent for most other species to live through unharmed. And even though Wookiees were big and muscly and beefy, Worf didn‘t want to risk hurting anybody, least of all Chewie.

Suddenly, Worf heard a sad Wookiee noise at the door, the same noises he‘d heard yesterday, when he‘d left Chewbacca on the rock on the holodeck and all of a sudden he realized what a fool he was.

Hadn‘t he, in trying to protect Chewbacca, done exactly what he was trying to avoid? He hurt him, hurt his feelings.  
Worf sprang up from the couch he was sitting on. Ready to reconsider, ready to let Chewbacca possibly change his mind, talk things out. Maybe they could make it work after all.  
Worf caught himself smiling hopefully as he opened the door.


	8. On the Armchair [Mary Morstan/Lucius Malfoy]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that should be a LOT trashier considering I was listening to HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA almost the whole time I was writing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Sherlock season 4 canon compliant because- ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHY???

Mary stepped into the apartment that she shared with her pathetic muggle husband and was just about to take off her coat when she was hit with the odd feeling that someone else was in there, an instinct that remained from her days as an assassin. It couldn’t be John, because she had just left him at the clinic, where he wanted to finish up some things and then come home as well. As quietly as possible, she drew one of her guns hidden throughout the apartment, loaded it, and moved towards the living room. When she saw who was sitting in one of their armchairs, she immediately lowered her gun.

“Lucius?”

“Rosamund.” He looked more than a little out of place in their little apartment, his elegant features and his Victorian clothes not belonging to the same world she currently lived in. She hadn’t seen him in more than a decade, but he looked just as handsome and regal as ever.  
They stared at each other for a few moments before Mary spoke up again. “So, you being here, does that mean…?”

“The Dark Lord has returned. We are gathering the members of his old fellowship at the moment, or at least the ones we think are still trustworthy.”

Mary raised her eyebrows at that. “Not practising any magic, living a muggle life, married to a muggle, that’s what you call trustworthy?”

Lucius frowned. “Surely you don’t think we are so stupid as to think this is the real you. We… well, _I_ know all of this- it is merely a favour to James. Why you were so intent on helping him with his funny little crime business when all it was was playing with muggle lives and muggle money and the muggle government- well you get the gist- and then with his insane crusade against that Holmes person… well I never really understood that. But now that the Dark Lord is back, I do believe your place is with us. That’s what he would have wanted too, don’t you think?”

Mary wasn’t so sure about that. Even when he was still one of Voldemort’s men, Jim never stopped playing his own game, spinning his own plans, doing his own thing. Voldemort was never more than a means to gain more power and have some fun beside his usual business. He was only a fairly average wizard, but after Voldemort vanished he stopped using magic almost altogether. And there was a simple answer to the question why Mary followed him.

“I wasn’t just helping him. I was helping myself. I may be a pure-blood, but I never came from rich family such as yours, Lucius. I had to go back to my job as an assassin, I had no choice. He hired me. That I became his right hand and his successor was only due to the fact that I was really, really good at my job.”

At that, Lucius angrily jumped up from the armchair and approached Mary. “Ah, yes, and the fact that James and you had a little… _personal alliance,_ that was just you doing your job really well, too?” he snarled into her face.

Mary could draw her wand just as quickly as she could draw her gun. Which was _very_ quick.

She had forced Lucius back on the chair before he could even think to react, his muscles frozen and his eyes wide as he stared up at her in shock.

Her face was twisted into a feral grin. “So, what were you saying, Lucius? That I’m a whore? Is that what you were saying?” She gave him a little bit of room so he could shake his head, and laughed.  
“Look at you, beaten into submission by a witch that is years out of practise. I was always so much better than you. Good to know that hasn’t changed.”

She sat down into his lap and ran her fingers through his hair. “Now, to answer your question… I think we both know I wouldn’t sleep with anymore just because they are my _boss_ , Lucius.” She started to open the buttons on his coat and his shirt and lazily ran her wand down his chest.

“Just as I wouldn’t marry some muggle idiot who’s in love with his best friend _just for my boss_. All we ever wanted was having fun… with each other… and then with Sherlock…” She had reached his navel now. “Of course I could just kill him to keep him out of his, well _my_ business now, but that would be _so_ terribly boring…so I’m doing it his way. ‘Burning the heart out him’, as he used to say. And paying my last respects to James at the same time.”

She lifted the spell on Lucius and leaned down until they were breathing the same air. “ But as always, you fail to see the bigger picture…”

Finally their lips touched and they were kissing. It was aggressive and brutal, yet it had a familiarity and passion that you could only find in a kiss between old lovers.

After a while, Lucius yanked her back by the waist. “Go and pack your things. You have ten minutes.”

“Hmm. What makes you think I would give this up just because _he_ returned? I just told you how important this was to me. Maybe I want to stay and finish what I began.”

Lucius snorted, “Yeah, right. Like this isn’t exactly what you were waiting for, all these years. Like you didn’t always have your loyalties completely straight even when _James_ was still alive. Like you still care about some idiotic muggle detective when you could be working for _him_ again.”

Mary’s smile was back, only this time it was playful. “Aww, for a moment I really thought I had you fooled. I’m gonna pack my things now. Don’t move. Unless John comes in, then incapacitate him. Or kill him, I don’t care.”

Lucius watched her walk towards her bedroom and started to button up his shirt. “Yes, madame…”


End file.
